What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize