mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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