Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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