Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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