we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
