im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
