i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
