i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
