Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
