I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
