Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
