I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
