There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
