I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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