I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
