two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
