Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
