Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
