nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
