Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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