I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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