currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
