Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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