It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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