i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
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