Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
