That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The struggles of a small town man whore
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
