I just pynch a tree in the face
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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