the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
