i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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