AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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