Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
