I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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