I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
