There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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