No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
