I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
just tell him i said nine months
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
