i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
