My cat gives me a boner
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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