Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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