At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
