I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
