Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
