I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
