Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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