Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
