I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
