I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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