Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
