so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
