The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
