You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
