member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
