i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
