She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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