It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
