she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm passing your future prison.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize