They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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