I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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