All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Randomize
