you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
and she was petting her beer can
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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