R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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