and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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