i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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