its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
