You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
